Let’s Rethink How We Talk to Kids About Santa Clause
"Is Santa Claus real?" — a question that might send shivers down every parent's spine during the holiday season.
Children, developmentally speaking, lack an innate sense of distinguishing between the real and the imaginary, leaving us adults with the formidable task of crafting responses to such inquiries.
Traditionally, parents consider two main options...
"Yes, Santa Claus is real!"
The easy way out, a tempting lie. But let's face it, it's a lie. And in our book, lying to a child is a major no-no. Why? Let's talk about childism.
Coined by Elisabeth Young-Bruehl, childism refers to treating children unfairly, as if they're miniature humans without autonomy, unique needs, and their own dreams and values.
Imagine how it feels when someone you trust lies to you. Not great, right? That's what happens when you tell a child Santa Claus is real. It's not preserving their childhood wonder; it's deceiving them. This is a big issue for us at Queer Kid Stuff because we're all about respecting and combating childism, a form of discrimination harming children worldwide that actively contributes to anti-trans legislation targeting trans and nonbinary children, especially in the United States.
2. "No, Santa is not real."
The truth. We know it, they know it. Santa Claus is not real.
Some families find this conversation easy; others, not so much. My advice? Embrace storytelling. Santa Claus has a historical origin! Discuss Saint Nick and how stories transform through time and imagination, like a game of telephone. Stories change and that process is actually pretty interesting and cool! I wonder what other stories have changed just like it?
But, many parents fear shattering their child's wonder by bursting the imaginary bubble. Dr. Becky discusses this parental dilemma: “Are we lying when we engage in imaginative play with our children?”
Here's where the third option comes in...
3. "Just because something is imaginary doesn’t mean it isn’t real."
The missing perspective, the key to unlocking this conversation with the children in your life that’s rarely talked about — a conversation about imagination, its wonders, and what it means for something to be imaginary.
The answer to "Is Santa real?" isn't a straightforward yes or no. It's this...
"Santa isn't real; Santa is imaginary. Do you know what that means, imaginary? It means Santa doesn't live in our world like us; Santa lives in our minds. That means we can visit Santa whenever we want!"
Apply the same idea to explain unicorns, fairies, the Easter Bunny, leprechauns, and even characters from TV shows. Emphasize the incredible power of our imaginations. Children understand this power because they use it every day! Just because something lives in our imagination doesn't make it any less magical or real — our imagination itself is magical.
